Love Currency: “We Want to Get Married, but His Unstable Income Is a Problem”

The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.

How long have you been with your partner?

We’ve been together since April 2024.

How did you meet?

Lekan and I met on Facebook. We’d been Facebook friends for over a year before he asked me out. I wasn’t surprised when he did. I actually expected it. Most of my male friends on Facebook connect with me because they want to ask me out. So I knew the question was coming. But when it did, I didn’t accept immediately.

Why not?

He’d told me he had a child from a previous relationship, and I wasn’t comfortable with it. I feared dealing with a complicated situation where one woman could come later and start claiming rights. So, I needed time to process it and decide if I could go ahead with it. I didn’t give him a yes until about three months had passed.

What changed your mind?

Lekan had all the other things I wanted: God-fearing, mature, and we were best friends even before we started dating. So, I decided to go for it. 

Also, his child wasn’t like a baby. His relationship with his child’s mother hadn’t worked out, and Lekan had opened up to me about it. The child lived with the mother. So, I believed it wouldn’t be an issue.

Got it. What are your financial situations like?

Lekan was working as a store manager, earning ₦70k/month when we started dating. Now, he mostly makes money from online tutoring gigs, and since it’s primarily freelance, there’s no specific monthly income.

As for me, I’m a teacher and I offer catering services once in a while. My actual salary is ₦25k, but when I get catering gigs, that figure can range between ₦35k and ₦40k. I have to say our financial situation is the primary struggle in our relationship. 

How so?

It’s not easy to do things on an unstable income. We have hopes for our future. We’ve even talked about settling down, but we can’t make actual moves because of money. I’m worried about Lekan’s unstable income. 

If he had something, we could plan around what comes in monthly, no matter how small the money might be. It won’t be a case of, “Will money come or will it not come?” 

Have you shared these concerns with him?

All the time. He says he’s working towards it. I hope things get better soon. In the meantime, we support each other as much as possible. We talk about our money struggles and what we need to do to improve the situation.

We assist each other when the other person is broke. I can send him money for food or data when I have, and he does the same for me, too — usually ₦5k or ₦10k. Besides our money challenges, it has been an awesome relationship. We work well together, and I know things will only get better.  

You mentioned he has a child. How does that play into your relationship dynamic?

It doesn’t really affect us. I don’t really interfere with his relationship with his child and the mother. I know he has an arrangement with his baby mama’s family to be part of the child’s welfare. He doesn’t send money monthly, but I think he contributes to feeding and school fees. I don’t really know much about their arrangement. I don’t want to get involved.

Interesting. How do you guys navigate budgeting for dates and gifts in your relationship?

Hmm. This is another challenge we have. I often tell Lekan that there are some things you don’t wait for the right time to do, you just compromise and make the sacrifice. For example, we hardly go out to celebrate birthdays or buy each other gifts because Lekan says there’s no money. On the rare occasion that we go out, we visit eateries.

Ironically, he spends more than he saves. Lekan can get some money now and spend it all without putting anything aside. He thinks savings should come from when you have excess, but I think you should save regardless of how much you have. So, we argue about that a lot.

What do future plans look like for you two? You mentioned settling down

Yeah. I’m hoping we get married in a year. But we still have to settle our finances first before moving further. I don’t think we can get married while his income is still unstable. So, when that is fixed, we can plan.

Do you both have safety nets?

I don’t know about him, but I have a monthly ₦10k ajo contribution to save money. I’m also looking for an investment platform to join and see what investing can look like for me.

What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?

I’d like us to set up our own business. Since we’re in the education sector, we hope to have a school someday. Then maybe also invest in real estate.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

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